Destination Inspiration

July 2009

Perception Is Not Reality

By Lisbeth Anne Marín

Motivational Speaker

Professional Development Consultant

Ever notice how perfect some families’ appear to be.  Their kids are flourishing on the straight and narrow path; they live debt free in charming homes, everyone enjoys a rewarding career and church is regularly attended.  It goes without saying; the relationships among the grown siblings are also stellar and everyone gets along famously.  In fact, seldom is heard a discouraging word and skies are not cloudy all day.  …is anyone else ready to gag on this pretty picture?  I’m delighted to inform you, it’s all been cleverly concocted by simply skipping over life’s little unpleasantries.  I mean, c’mon, nobody wants to talk about the painful important matters, the decades of dysfunction, the hurt feelings…y’know the real stuff.  Could it be we’ve morphed into a society that perpetuates family pretense? 

Folklore tells of an ancient fruit cake that’s been passed around since the dawning of time.  I believe its traveling companion is A Christmas Letter.  Each year it becomes more sickeningly sweet and full of hooey.  Maybe it’s me, but it seems like is everyone is scotch-guarding the fabric of their lives!  Whether you’ve written or received A Christmas Letter, the customary format is to revisit the year’s paramount accomplishments from every family member, including the gerbil.  These letters make me want to plug-up my ears while babbling yada.yada.yada!  Why is it no one dares mention their teen’s shaky transition into adulthood or the gory details of struggling to survive in this world run amuck? 

My current role of intermittent ‘empty nester’ goads me
to share unsolicited advice?

·         Alone is not lonely.

·         If it doesn’t work within your family, it might not be you. 

·         Don’t make excuses for who you are.

·         Stop blaming others for your limitations.

·         Speak your truth and accept disapproval.

·         Rethink the phony baloney Christmas Letter; it’s boring,
no one is buying it and it makes the rest of us look bad.

I suspect some us of find it hard to be our authentic selves with family because they’ve never accepted who we’ve become as adults.  They don’t want to see the real us with the flaws and foibles.  They want, or maybe need us to act out a fake version of ourselves so they can feel good about themselves.  A wise woman wears her labels as badges of courage.  Go ahead girl; let your freak flag fly!  Yes, I proclaim, I am wEiRd and yes I am prone to being snippy and opinionated but I remind you, God says I am fearfully and wonderfully made, just the way I am.  So can I get an Amen up in here!

I encourage you to join me in celebrating my most humbling revelation.  We only amass true wealth when we’ve cultivated precious friendships that allow us to express our most authentic, undiluted self.  Make it a personal challenge to conduct relationships with more integrity than a mere actor, reciting the fictional words of a script.  Maybe life’s ultimate bonus comes in realizing, not only are we ok with who we’ve become, we totally rock! 

Lisbeth Anne Marín is a Motivational Speaker & Professional Development Consultant specializing in interpersonal, team building and organizational development skills.  She presents a wide array of staff development training programs, motivational seminars and interactive workshops.  www.lisbethanne.com